When Homeschooling Isn't Workingby Valorie Delp | More from this Blogger 15 Nov 2006 10:01 PM We plan on homeschooling all the way through high school. I think that qualifies us as being fairly committed to this whole homeschooling thing. However, I also recognize that that means we will be home schooling for the next 23 years. A lot can happen in 23 years and it is, at least conceivable that homeschooling at some point for one of our children will not work out. Have you ever been in this position? Let me give you some food for thought regarding this difficult decision. Circumstances Change It is possible in the next 23 years that any number of things can happen that would in fact diminish my ability to home school. If for some reason I had to go back to work, for example, I would have no choice but to put my kids in school. Other situations, such as caring for a sick relative or even one of the children becoming seriously ill would warrant us thinking about putting the kids in school. Failure to Thrive Yes, while I believe whole heartedly in home schooling, there are some children that fail to thrive in the situation. I want to be careful here to say that I don't believe we can always tell who is not thriving by looking at them. You cannot look at a child and decide that yours learned to read first or that their poor behavior is lack of socialization. However, as a home schooling parent, it is important to openly and honestly evaluate your child. If you are too biased, ask a peer review panel of others who are supportive of home schooling. How do you know your child is failing to thrive? There could be a variety of indications including, but not limited too very poor social skills, testing poorly, or failure to pick up new skills. Let me just say that just because your child is having a rough time, doesn't mean you need to ditch home schooling. It does mean you need to readjust. However, when you've readjusted continually and can't find your footing, it's time to consider that perhaps homeschooling isn't working out. There is no doubt that if you have had your mind set on home schooling, changing it is not easy. Of course as parents, we always have our children's best interests at heart and sometimes their best interests may be to send them to school. Learn more about Valorie Delp  Hello everybody! My name is Valorie and I am one busy lady! When I'm not writing or editing for families, I am busy trying to get my brood of 5 in line. Relevanthomeschooling tags User Comments  Julie Gentry (5915) 20 Nov 2006 12:18 AMDo you think that child who is having a (temporary) failure to thrive will do better institutionalized? I can't conceive of ANY situation that would have me send them to government school.  Valorie Delp (49340) 20 Nov 2006 03:11 AMNope! I don't think that someone who has a temporary failure would be better in school. In fact I think they'd likely be much better at home. If something happened to my husband while my children were still very young--I would likely consider private school for my kids and if I couldn't afford it I'd have to send them to public school and just be the obnoxious parent all the teachers complain about. However, I personally know someone who had to make a very difficult decision recently and felt ostricized by the homeschooling community for her choice. Her child was really not doing well--it wasn't temporary (and there were extreme extenuating circumstances) and is doing much better in a public school now in all ways. Regardless of how I feel about MY kids going to public school, it still should be a parents choice and if need be, one that is supported by friends and family. Nola Redd (7081) 23 Nov 2006 08:10 PMI have a hard time evisioning a child who struggled at home thriving in a group setting. But as I thought about it, I realize that I did. True, I think I would have benefited from HSing as a child - though not with my mother; she would be quick to tell you that SHE would not thrive in that situation - but I did pretty good in school, primarily because I am WAY too competitive. Specifically, I had one teacher (with two classes) in middle school who would post the top ten grades for the week on the board with the names. I always wanted to be on top, and did all the extra credit I could to make it. However, the teacher topped out at something like 105% and he listed names alphabetically, so Mr. Ross always beat Ms. Taylor - very sad. Obviously, there were many things I disliked about the public education system (like, I really think I could have moved on in most of my classes, especially the ones whose work I taught myself from the book and worked ahead) but I did enjoy the competitive aspect of school. Not necessarily the best attitude, but it DID work. That is something else to consider, though; the parent. Some parents really aren't suited for HSing, even if they really want to. My mom would never make it; among other things, she is clinically depressed and thinks staying home with children is a fate worse than death. She considered HSing my brother (11 yrs younger than me) but decided not to. So that may be another reason to send a child to school - finding that no matter how hard you try or want to, you are not suited to HSing. I think those are probably few and far between - from what I've seen, most parents who start to are those suited to it - but it's not always the case. Great blog entry! Valorie Delp (49340) 24 Nov 2006 03:19 PMThanks for your comments! Yes--it does seem that when there are what I would call "extenuating circumstances" (i.e. like a clinically depressed parent/teacher) sometimes hsing is not for the best. On the flip side I was talking with my SIL who swears that she cannot homeschool her kids and of course I respect her decision but I do think anyone who really wants to--can do it. Where there's a will, there's a way. But there are definitely situations that require more emotional and practical support than others.  Andrea Hermitt (5512) 02 Dec 2006 07:07 AMWhen a child is not thriving, you will notice depression, pulling away from you, possible bed wetting, stomach problems etc. There is just an overall personality change, and often physical manifestations of stress. I saw all of these things in my kids before I pulled them out of school. The child who was depressed took a long time to get better, but they are both thriving... or at least a lot happier now than when they were in school. Community Tags homeschooling, issues, problems with homeschooling Discuss this article
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