The Questions Continue Part 3: The Big Socialization Question

by Valorie Delp | More from this Blogger

29 Jul 2006 03:51 AM

This is part of an ongoing series discussing home schooling and public schooling. In Kaye's latest blog she asks some excellent questions regarding home schooling. She asked so many questions in fact, it took me three blogs to answer them all! Her final questions pertain however, to the question of socialization: How do my kids meet friends, learn to get along with others, make good friendships, etc. if they are home all the time.

I'm sure by now, Kaye has no doubts that we are not 'home all of the time'. I had up until now, avoided blogging on socialization because both home school bloggers before me have written on the issue. Socialization is the first thing that many homeschoolers get asked about. However, I actually do not believe that public schools are in a better position to promote socialization than home schooling is.

First of all, it always strikes me as odd that we are a nation that claims to care about academics and education and yet the first and often primary objection that I hear about home schooling is socialization. Among kids all over the world, we score last on standardized tests in every academic subject but first in self-esteem. In other words, our kids feel really good about being dead last! I would suggest that if we really care about academics and education, we need not worry so much about socialization!

I also reject the idea that good socialization happens at school. I know, I know--I may be flogged for saying that. But hear me out. Kids in school get to "socialize" at lunch and at recess. How many of you who are reading this have heard a teacher say, "We're not here to socialize!" (Or how many of you teachers out there have said it?) Yet, at home, kids are socializing all the time. They are talking about and discussing ideas with siblings, parents and others. By the way, did you know that according to a study done by the Journal of Elementary Education, one of the single most consistent predictors of academic success is eating around the table for meals? Why? They think it's because the kids get to "socialize" with the adults!

Secondly, I reject the idea that my children will learn social skills from other children their age. Children will imitate those that are around them and frankly, when it comes to behavior, I'd much rather them imitate adults (generally speaking), or at least other kids with similar values. While it is not the primary reason we home school, a side benefit is that my kids come home with very few questionable issues of things that have been said, or situations in which they were uncomfortable. They are not bombarded by conflicting messages; one side coming from us as their parents and the other side coming from views presented in school by peers or even teachers. Even when they do hear things, they view us, as their parents, the primary source for information--not their peers. Our children are young, but this has been my experience with other homeschooling families as well.

With that said, Kaye raises the question about friendships. How do home schooled children build friendships? No doubt school is definitely one place that this happens. However, there are a variety of ways homeschooled children make friends. My kids play with our neighbors. And yes, they do make friends in classes that they may attend. Many home school groups get together regularly and of course, my children have friends there as well. We get together with their friends whenever anyone would like. I know many home schooling families who do the same. Honestly, my children don't really have a problem making friends.

Actually, I think that they would have a harder time making friends in school than being home schooled. While it's true that they are not exposed to as many kids, they also are not exposed to prejudice and so they readily make friends with EVERYONE in our multi-ethnic neighborhood. Several of my children's park friends are Muslim and one of the mothers told me that my kids were the first she met that weren't afraid to play with her daughter (who wears a head covering).

I think an important point to remember is that no matter what you're schooling choice, there are challenges. I don't have to deal with homework issues, or my kids coming home with things I'd rather them not come home with. But I do have to be committed to providing them the best possible education. I have to make sure that they have the opportunities to make friends, to explore other subjects besides the basics and make sure they have opportunities to develop. I hope for Kaye and for others, these blogs have helped you see a different side to homeschooling.

Related Articles:

Homeschooling Gone Wrong The Questions Continue Part 1 The Questions Continue Part 2 Homeschooling and Socialization What About Socialization?

Learn more about Valorie Delp

Hello everybody! My name is Valorie and I am one busy lady! When I'm not writing or editing for families, I am busy trying to get my brood of 5 in line.

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WordsAplenty (4029) 11 Aug 2006 03:32 PM

Great article, Valorie! Like I've mentioned in the forums, our socialization has improved immensely since we left the public schools! Now the girls interact with people of all ages and abilities, not just their age-peers. They can hold conversations with adults and children alike.

Valorie Delp (49340) 11 Aug 2006 06:02 PM

My pastor often comments on how impressed he is at homeschoolers' (in general) ability to interact with adults. They homeschooled back in the day when it was illegal and although they didn't homeschool all the way through--their kids (who are my age) tell funny stories about hiding under the beds when the truancy officer would come by. YIKES! I couldn't imagine. Funny now, but I would guess not so much so then! Thanks for your comments.