How Do You Know You're Not Messing Them Up?

by Valorie Delp | More from this Blogger

26 Nov 2007 08:36 AM

Someone recently asked me this while we were talking about various parenting issues. Homeschooling came up, as it often does, and the mother in question said she couldn't home school because she'd be afraid of messing her children up.

My short and simple answer is that I don't know I'm not messing them up. I'm pretty confident that it's a good thing not to let them have sugar right before bed and I hold firm to a steadfast belief that too much television isn't good for their bodies or minds. After that, I'm not sure I'm not messing them up by any of my home schooling or parenting endeavors.

What I do know, is that if I am messing them up, it's all on me (and of course that darling husband of mine). I am confident that they are not getting messed up by a school teacher who may or may not share our dearly held values and beliefs. I can also rest confident that they're not getting messed up by other children's bad manners and poor social skills.

Academically speaking, I suppose that I can't really say I'm not messing them up there either. Who knows? Maybe I'm leaving massive gaps in their education! I don't know. . .if I did, then I wouldn't leave the gaps right? But at least I know what they have and have not covered and I'm more likely to see gaps since I'll be directing their education through high school. On the other hand, if they were in school, I wouldn't necessarily know if there were gaps in their education. That's what happens in a bigger system.

I have to be honest though and tell you I don't really care. That's not to say I don't care how my kids come out at the end, but that's to say that even if I were the worst and least organized home schooling mother in the world--I still think they'd come out ahead. I look at all the people I consider successful and you know what? I'm not aware of any of their educational backgrounds.

What they do exude is confidence, poise, and decency. It is their character that seems to carry them farther than their academic credentials. If you think about it, isn't that kind of how the world works? It is one's character, and not one's pedigrees that ultimately bears the brunt of one's successes. Or at least it seems that way to me.

So with that said, I cannot know how my choices today will affect my children down the line. I can do what I believe is best and that's that. But what I am confident of, is that they are getting the kind of 'real world' training that will carry them farther in life. They are getting an education in servant-leadership, compassion and empathy. This, I am confident, will cause them to be successful in life--regardless of their endeavors.

Related Articles:

My Daughter's First Two Years of Homeschooling

The End You Cannot See

The Joy of Homeschooling

My Unsocialized Daughter

Learn more about Valorie Delp

Hello everybody! My name is Valorie and I am one busy lady! When I'm not writing or editing for families, I am busy trying to get my brood of 5 in line.

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livelaughlove (32) 26 Nov 2007 03:11 PM

Thanks for this!!! I have been pondering home schooling for a good year and a half. I have researched as much as I can find. This past week I have really been trying hard to hold on until the christmas break, but when I saw my little 4th grade daughter sitting at the table this morning with tears running down here face I knew it was time to take action!! I have to admit I am scared I have a 4th grader who struggles and has special needs and a 6th grader who Academically test out at 8th and 9th grade levels but has special need as well. I am so happy to know that thier is so much support out there for people who home school!! Thanks for the kind reassuring words!

Valorie Delp (49340) 26 Nov 2007 03:13 PM

You're so welcome. Being gifted and having special needs at the same time is pretty common actually. Hope to be seeing more of you around!

deedee1231 (4030) 29 Nov 2007 11:57 AM

My 9yo is also gifted with special needs. He is a big part of the reason (but not the only reason) I pulled my children from public school 2 years ago. My extended family feels that he needs a teacher who is a "qualified professional" but in our school district that term seems to be an oxymoron. At least as a homeschooler I know that I did the best I could for all of them rather than just allow them to become products of an education system that I know is inadequate.

Valorie Delp (49340) 29 Nov 2007 12:09 PM

I think twice exceptional students have it harder in public school bc it seems to me like no one is interested in meeting all their needs. So often, they're over looked in the gifted area bc of their disabilities but then they don't really fit in in special ed either. Thanks for the comment.